بسم الله الرحمن الرحيم
At last, after the long journey in seeking the answer, now I know the truth. Allah has listen to my du'a perhaps. And show to me the answer that I was looking for all this while. Even though the journey was full with confusion, and dreams that would never come true, it somehow came from my inner feeling yet it was really meaningful to me. Emm, now I come to realize that I should stop dreaming, and putting hope on it. It is kinda stupid though to be a person that caught by your own dreams.
I'm glad that I did not do something that would humiliate myself, that would bring embarrassment and I wouldn't forgive myself if I did something reckless. That in the end i'm the one feeling hurt and distress. Fuhh. Allah still wants to protect myself and keep on living for the sake of Him, not His creatures. Living under His Mercy would be the most blessing that I should not take for granted. In my analogy, why would you put yourself in danger, risking your life if the one who has been taking care of you is always besides you, pouring kindness for every seconds, but yet you did not see all those things coming up because you are busy searching someone else that is far from you. You have Allah, remember that.
Even though the moment I know the truth, I was a little bit startled and kinda sad actually, but who am I to question Allah's plan for me. That might be the best for me even not for now but in the future insyaAllah. So open your eyes, and see all those things that happened in a positive way. I know that it did not happened coincidently, and the fact that I learned many things through out the journey, but the feeling of attachment should be detached if what i'm searching most in my life is mardhatillah and happiness.
Sacrifice your feeling. Now or never.
p/s: it is natural I guess to feel like this way. But don't be absorbed too much by it. You still have a bigger mission to carry on instead of thinking about this small matter.
2nd p/s: small huh?
3rd p/s: don'tr forget our brothers and sisters in our prayers. #prayforGaza and my deepest condolences to the family and crew of MH17 and MH370. :)
4th p/s: Ramadhan still ada beberapa hari lagi. So don't give up in devoting yourself in Allah and Quran. This holy month only comes once in a blue moon. Inilah hari-hari tertentu yang Allah sebut dalam al Quran di mana turunnya kalam Allah tu. Ramadhan kareem guys.