LUAHAN HATI : MARA (PART 2)

assalamualaikum~

Sekarang ni dah masuk bulan 6 dah. Sigh. This post took almost 1 month to be written and published on after the first post. T_T. Actually, i have no idea on what should I write for this second post about MARA. IDK. I need time to think properly about the decision that I would make. It'll decide which path that will bring me to the right destination.


Ok, actually, last 29th May, is time for me to register as an IIUM student. BUT, I have made up my mind to choose International Baccalaureate as the way for me to become a medic student. I really hope that, this is the right decision made. Seriously, there is still doubt about the 'IB things'. I can't figure it out. Idk how to describe it. ARGHHHH~


TAKE A DEEP BREATH > CONTINUE TYPING

OK, first, maybe I have never stay or setfoot in a hostel. All this time, I just stay in my home sweet home and commute from home to school. So, I might have cultural shock when I enter the Kolej Mara Banting. I have zero knowledge about the hostel environment and something related to it. But, i'm glad that, my brother always tell me about his hostel and the way on how he 'adapts' in such atmosphere. It sounds interesting based on his story. However, I need to experience it myself so that I can express my feelings about it. There is always a first time for everything, right? =')


Second, i have no friends at there. I mean my 'truly' friends. At school, whenever I've problems or difficulty, they always there when needed. T_T Best time sekolah dulu. I miss all that moments. But now, i'm trying to make new friends with the future KMB-ians and all the seniors and super-duper seniors. Alhamdulillah, they all are very friendly and supportive. They are always give us good advices and positive quotes to those who will enter the KMB.


Third, I am not clever as them. I really admit that. I just a student who came from a daily school. No offense. I did not intend to say that the daily schools are not good enough to create an AWESOME student. It is all come from the students itself. If they all are determine to succeed, there are nothing impossible because I am the 'output' of daily school and managed to get a distinction result in PMR and SPM. I hope you understand what I am trying to say. I just feel very humble and weak. I am not superb or awesome or bravo or super-duper-clever person. Sometimes, there's a feeling where I feel so ashamed with others who came from top schools. T____T. I have no idea. 

Fourth, I am weak in English. Ah, somebody can help me to improve my english? Please help me!!! I want to speak in English with clear pronunciation, smooth accent, no grammar errors, no tersekat2. Macam hape je. Because I know that, at KMB there will many of them who are really good in English. I really regret that I did not learn English very well before and doesn't appreciate how crucial English is. So, I want to remind YOU, supposedly you are still schooling and reading my blog, ok perasan. HAHA. to always read books, blogs, magazines, newspapers and whatsoever in ENGLISH from now on. So that YOU will not regret as I do.


Fifth, this is my way to achieve my ambition. I did not want to futile this opportunity. Thats why I feel very anxious and at the same time I feel very excited and enthusiast about this IB. I have a lot of commitments especially to my parents and my siblings due I am the eldest. I know that my parents put high hope on my shoulder. I just afraid that I can't stand the pressure. So, if one day I could not be as what I want and just be a fully housewife, NAUZUBILLAH, don't put the blame on me ya. But I promise to myself that I will study hard and become a doctor one day. INSYAALLAH. Please pray for me too ok. =')


Sixth, emm, actually two weeks past, I just received the official letter from KMB about the registration info and anything that related to the registration day. But it was a pathetic for me as I read about the place that I will further my studies after the 2-year-study at KMB which is at numed, Johor. If you do not sure what it is, try to google it. For me, I always envision that one day I could study in overseas especially in Ireland in medicine field. At that time, I really felt that this world is truly unfair to me. Anything I wish for, does not come reality. sometimes la. For that reason, I created this 'SAJAK'. Now, I feel much more better and learn to accept it.


Too many reasons ha? HUHU. Actually I want to write for the next reason, HAHA, but I think enough for today. I dont want to make all those reasons strike on me and  make me feel down. omg, 15 days left. T_T


The priority I wrote all these are to make sure what are my weaknesses and my negative side. And I want to transform it to positive side as I read this post, boleh ke? err, :I I wont do the same mistakes. Besides, I want to share my feelings on what I feel. All these IB-thingy are new for me. I hope I can stand with the pressure and enjoy all the moments like a boss. And I want to prove to the outsiders that I can make it. Oh, IB, I hope you will be nice to me.


That's all I think for now. Pray for my success ok. I want to be a specialist in Obstetrics & Gynaecology. InsyaAllah.

All problems become smaller if you don't dodge them, but confront them.

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p/s : do you think there will be third post about this? HUAHUAHUA :DD
2nd p/s : now I know what IB is. HAHAHA =.=